Stupid Hooker…
by Drew, the Big Brother Cynic

Hey everybody! Our fearless leader Jamie has been kind enough to grant me some web space, so welcome to the first edition of The Big Brother Cynic!

Without further ado, there’s really only one place to start in this initial column. Like her or not (and NOT certainly holds the unsilent majority on the Interwebs), you can’t talk about Big Brother 12 without talking about Rachel. You can blame Bren-Bren the Puppet Master or just blame America’s public school system for creating a monster, but, any way you slice it, Rachel is a force to be reckoned with in the Big Brother house.

“Shut up, no one cares; I’m dumber having watched it”. - Britney

Being a lifelong Red Sox fan, I’m certainly no stranger to the art of yelling at my television set, but watching Rach three times a week is a new kind of hurt. “Me&Brendon” are making misplay after misplay and coming out smelling like roses every single time. Most recently, Rach decided that she couldn’t trust Matt, even though he had no power in the situation whatsoever. Not satisfied with just one irrational move for the week, The Chest then proceeded to convince herself that Matt double-crossed her, even though he did exactly what he said he was going to do (act blindsided). It would have been a great gameplay by Rach if it was intentional, but it clearly wasn’t.

And while I’m talking misplays, let’s talk about this week’s severely flawed veto competition for a second. If anybody with half a brain was in that competition, there was literally NO way for Britney or Monet to win the POV. I feel I’m corrected in assuming that nobody was going to change the nominations, so here’s the scenario that should have gone down:

At the 20-minute mark, somebody (let’s say Lane) drops his briefcase. That’s your ace in the hole to ensure that somebody stays under the 60-minute time limit. Then all you do is watch Britney and Monet. When Britney drops her case, Brendon (or Enzo or Rach) drops his case. Then, when Monet drops her case, one of the others drops theirs. Unless Monet or Brit hit the hour mark on the button, they literally couldn’t have won in that situation.

Misspeak of the Week:
I’m the first to admit that if I was on camera 24/7 (minus the many hours of fishies) AND had to give interviews taboot, I’m sure I would say something stupid every once in a while. But some comments are just unforgivably dumb, and this is where I “honor” my favorite slip of the tongue each week.

A lot of chat room ire is going to Rach for her now infamous “rain” as HoH, but I’m give inaugural honors to Monet for her “60 times 60, so that’s 1200” during the veto competition (the abacus tells me it’s 3600, FYI).

Looking Ahead:
Early talk on the feeds has Matt looking at Andrew and Kathy, but I think that’s just gameplay. Considering Matt is a part of the only other real alliance in the house, the only way to go is to put up Me&Brendon to guarantee that one of them goes home. Target would definitely be Bren-Bren in this case: (a) he’s the stronger competitor and (b) I’m setting odds at 50/50 that Rach freaks out and quits if her man goes home.

Well, that’s my 500 words. Thanks for letting me rant at you; much like Big Brother itself, I promise to focus on other houseguests once the two-headed monster goes home.

Drew